Regardless whether you are a leader in church or at work, if you really care about your subordinate or the people you're looking after (or reporting to you), you would not let them fall away or leave them all alone by themselves. You will always come to the rescue when they ask for help (and sometimes even when they don't even ask for help, you would still come and rescue them - knowing they do need help).
At workplace, it might be because of responsibility. But in church level or in community, it goes beyond responsibility. There is this string between a leader and his/her follower, there's an attachment between them. This attachment can actually encourage a leader to take a drastic step to help someone who needs help but who doesn't even ask for help and choose to fall away. Because there's no clear cut on what a leader should/should not do, it makes it harder for a leader to see where s/he should stop when offering a hand/help.
I know many people wouldn't agree with this, but I believe a leader must be ready to stop offering help to his/her follower and watch the follower fall away (especially after the follower continually and consistently refused the leader's help).
I give you a very lame example.
Say me being the leader, and my sheep (Romeo, a young christian) is falling in love with a girl (Juliet, a non-christian). I know almost everything to know about Romeo, his past life and his dreams because me and Romeo are very open to one another. I know Romeo is weak spiritually and is easily influenced by his surrounding.
Due to his work commitments he works late many times in the office. There's a girl who happened to work late as well many times in the office (Juliet), and they work for the same department. Overtime they started sharing and Romeo felt that he needs to help her. I told Romeo to be careful, to refer her to one of the girls (preferably leader) in our group. He feels noone else could help her but him. I told to a female leader what happened and she offered help to Romeo and Juliet only to be ignored. For the next few months I would always ask how he is doing (in our shepherding time), and what's been happening with him and her. I would tell him not to spend so much time with her, especially going out together late at night after work for dinner and coffee. My advice went into his right ear and went out of his left ear.
One day I found out that they worked together on a project so late that she ended up staying over his place (because her house is 1hr away by train from the office). I was upset and ask him to speak to his boss so working late till 11pm won't happen again. Besides, he actually could've driven her home by car (though it's very far away). A month later on one beautiful night, out of nowhere I felt (say I'm quite sensitive to HS) God is asking me to call Romeo. I called him and found out that he just got home with Juliet (it's almost midnight). I told him to take her to one of the girls in our group so she can sleep there, but he's too tired drive.
After few months, he told me that he and her are together (as in bf-gf), after ignoring my advise not to go into relationship with her (based on logical reasoning and biblical principle). When he asked for my opinion if he and her should go into relationship, I told him honestly that they're not ready (and he acknowledged it as well), besides the point that she's non-christian. For the next few months I tried to tell him to stop the relationship and focus on growing in God as his life is becoming messy and messier. Because of that, he felt that I'm forcing him to end the relationship and I didn't want to give the support he needed. So he stop coming to LG and church.
6 months into the relationship, I found out Juliet is pregnant and about to do abortion. I know this because Romeo called me and asked my opinion if it's the right thing to do, considering they're still young and don't want to get married now. My heart was in pain and begged him not to proceed with the abortion.
First of all, the story above is not real.
Second of all I dramatised the story. Not all non-christian girls are willing to have sex before marriage, and not all young christians (men and women) are weak spiritually.
From the story above, what I want to share is that since I've known Romeo for years already and grow together with him, seeing him falling was quite painfully. There's an attachment between me and Romeo, more than just a leader and follower relationship, it's like a deep level of friendship, a bond noone can take away, except for both parties, me and Romeo.
But as a leader, I should never force anyone to follow my advise although I know that the consequences of not following my advise would be quite severe. I need to let him go. I need to let him make a mistake. A leader must learn to let go their followers if they choose to fall away. It can be quite painful, but everyone has freewill.
If you're a leader and you have quite a good relationship with your people, although the line can be very hard to see, you need to boldly and courageously say to yourself, "Alright, I've done my best. I need to let him/her go. I should stop here and let him/her fall away."
If you as a leader have prayed hard enough, and done every way you can think of to help someone not to fall, even encouraged them strong enough to come back to God's way, if they still choose not to heed your advise, you need to learn to let them make their own mistake and fall. You are not responsible for their mistake. You have a freewill, you choose to help them. They have a freewill and they choose not to let you help them. So don't force your way in.
Is it biblical? Yes it is.
That's the main reason why God give us freewill, so we will choose to love Him and follow His way. If He forces us to do everything, then there's no freewill there's no love. That's why He didn't force Adam and Even not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. That's why He didn't force us to believe in Him and Jesus (even after He sacrificed Jesus on the cross).
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