Friday at the office

As you may know already, one of the things I need to do in my job is to review people's performance, and these people are the project managers who are older than me and receive salary way more than me.

The way it works is I gather the data before project review with the project managers, then do their performance review with them individually. Using the data, I would tell/show them from the financial side of the project of what's happening with their project then ask them what they think about the project. In some cases I will suggest to them how to improve their performance.

This morning, while I was having my breakfast in the kitchen, one of the project managers came to me and just scolded me for a good 5-7minutes, in front of another project manager. Listening to her criticism and complaint was pretty hard.

Afterward I told everything to my manager.
He sat me down in a room and told me that it's not my fault that she got upset at me because it was her own fault for not managing the project properly. Apparently she got the 'ultimatum' from our director. He then pointed out to me where I've done well in my work, and praised me for the things I've achieved considering I only started my job 2 months ago, and it was my first project review.

At that time, I was overwhelmed with gratitude towards him that my eyes became wet and I almost burst into tears. Luckily I didn't cry, otherwise it would've been so embarrassing, a man crying in front of his boss, ahahha......

I know it's not my fault, and even if it's my fault, she should've been more gracious considering it's my first review. But to hear her complaining and accusing me for not doing a good job and made her look bad in front of our director (through my report) hit me pretty hard. I thought to myself, "Am I really that bad? Did I really do such a bad job? Did I really misunderstand her words (during the review)? Is it really my fault?"

After getting the comfort from my manager, I gained my confidence back, not to continue doing what I've been doing, but to do better.

You might thing that there's no real connection between what happened to me today and God, but I believe God has put me in this company for a reason. I don't know exactly the specific purpose of why I'm working for this company, but if it's not for God's grace and wisdom, I would've easily defended myself against her accusation this morning and told her off.

Well, my manager said that I will experience more of these from project managers who are not performing well. He asked me to get ready. ahhahaha..... So in my heart I said, "Alright, bring it on." ahahahha..... Oh God, I need your help.

Good nite.