The case of letting go

Regardless whether you are a leader in church or at work, if you really care about your subordinate or the people you're looking after (or reporting to you), you would not let them fall away or leave them all alone by themselves. You will always come to the rescue when they ask for help (and sometimes even when they don't even ask for help, you would still come and rescue them - knowing they do need help).

At workplace, it might be because of responsibility. But in church level or in community, it goes beyond responsibility. There is this string between a leader and his/her follower, there's an attachment between them. This attachment can actually encourage a leader to take a drastic step to help someone who needs help but who doesn't even ask for help and choose to fall away. Because there's no clear cut on what a leader should/should not do, it makes it harder for a leader to see where s/he should stop when offering a hand/help.

I know many people wouldn't agree with this, but I believe a leader must be ready to stop offering help to his/her follower and watch the follower fall away (especially after the follower continually and consistently refused the leader's help).

I give you a very lame example.
Say me being the leader, and my sheep (Romeo, a young christian) is falling in love with a girl (Juliet, a non-christian). I know almost everything to know about Romeo, his past life and his dreams because me and Romeo are very open to one another. I know Romeo is weak spiritually and is easily influenced by his surrounding.

Due to his work commitments he works late many times in the office. There's a girl who happened to work late as well many times in the office (Juliet), and they work for the same department. Overtime they started sharing and Romeo felt that he needs to help her. I told Romeo to be careful, to refer her to one of the girls (preferably leader) in our group. He feels noone else could help her but him. I told to a female leader what happened and she offered help to Romeo and Juliet only to be ignored. For the next few months I would always ask how he is doing (in our shepherding time), and what's been happening with him and her. I would tell him not to spend so much time with her, especially going out together late at night after work for dinner and coffee. My advice went into his right ear and went out of his left ear.

One day I found out that they worked together on a project so late that she ended up staying over his place (because her house is 1hr away by train from the office). I was upset and ask him to speak to his boss so working late till 11pm won't happen again. Besides, he actually could've driven her home by car (though it's very far away). A month later on one beautiful night, out of nowhere I felt (say I'm quite sensitive to HS) God is asking me to call Romeo. I called him and found out that he just got home with Juliet (it's almost midnight). I told him to take her to one of the girls in our group so she can sleep there, but he's too tired drive.

After few months, he told me that he and her are together (as in bf-gf), after ignoring my advise not to go into relationship with her (based on logical reasoning and biblical principle). When he asked for my opinion if he and her should go into relationship, I told him honestly that they're not ready (and he acknowledged it as well), besides the point that she's non-christian. For the next few months I tried to tell him to stop the relationship and focus on growing in God as his life is becoming messy and messier. Because of that, he felt that I'm forcing him to end the relationship and I didn't want to give the support he needed. So he stop coming to LG and church.

6 months into the relationship, I found out Juliet is pregnant and about to do abortion. I know this because Romeo called me and asked my opinion if it's the right thing to do, considering they're still young and don't want to get married now. My heart was in pain and begged him not to proceed with the abortion.

First of all, the story above is not real.
Second of all I dramatised the story. Not all non-christian girls are willing to have sex before marriage, and not all young christians (men and women) are weak spiritually.

From the story above, what I want to share is that since I've known Romeo for years already and grow together with him, seeing him falling was quite painfully. There's an attachment between me and Romeo, more than just a leader and follower relationship, it's like a deep level of friendship, a bond noone can take away, except for both parties, me and Romeo.

But as a leader, I should never force anyone to follow my advise although I know that the consequences of not following my advise would be quite severe. I need to let him go. I need to let him make a mistake. A leader must learn to let go their followers if they choose to fall away. It can be quite painful, but everyone has freewill.

If you're a leader and you have quite a good relationship with your people, although the line can be very hard to see, you need to boldly and courageously say to yourself, "Alright, I've done my best. I need to let him/her go. I should stop here and let him/her fall away."

If you as a leader have prayed hard enough, and done every way you can think of to help someone not to fall, even encouraged them strong enough to come back to God's way, if they still choose not to heed your advise, you need to learn to let them make their own mistake and fall. You are not responsible for their mistake. You have a freewill, you choose to help them. They have a freewill and they choose not to let you help them. So don't force your way in.

Is it biblical? Yes it is.
That's the main reason why God give us freewill, so we will choose to love Him and follow His way. If He forces us to do everything, then there's no freewill there's no love. That's why He didn't force Adam and Even not to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. That's why He didn't force us to believe in Him and Jesus (even after He sacrificed Jesus on the cross).

Work training

This morning I went to attend a training for all the PM (project managers) in my company. I actually didn't have to go, but since my main job is to keep their performance on track by reviewing their performance on a monthly basis, I need to sit there to understand more about their roles/responsibilities and also to show face.

It's absolutely boring. You know me.
But anyway, guess what I found? ahahhaa...

We sat them down and tell them how to lead people.

I was amazed when I looked at the material. I wasn't shocked to see how good the material was, but shocked to realise that there's a better material to use to train people to be a better leader, yes you got that right, the bible. More than that, the training that I received in the church through the many activities (that sometimes I felt like it was a waste of time) I participated (and still participating) in, gave me more insights and/or first hand experience in gaining the skills and capacity in being a leader, and it's not just being normal leader according to the world's standard, but a much better leader.

Amazing, isn't it. That in and at church, everyone can be trained and equipped to who God has designed us to be. That everyone can be trained and equipped to be a great leader (for we have been called to be the head and not the tail).

But here's the catch, in the Kingdom of God the only way up is down. So if you want to be a great leader, you must be a great servant. Hence, if you're not serving in LG or church right now, please go and ask your leader how you can contribute and what you can do. And I better tell you now, it's gonna be challenging, but it's worth it. ehehhe....

Life without limits

I reckon I should write a book on how to live life full of negativities and far from God's way, but I won't do that as it's not edifying at all, ahhaha....

But then again, my english is not that good. So writing something edifying will take me hours and hours. So... to make my life easier and your life easier as well, not to put up with my bad english, I'll leave you with these 2 video clips from Nick Vujicic on how to live life without limits.

Thank God for His mercy and grace

My complain:
It's impossible to please everyone. But the unseen pressure remains in the picture for most people, especially for leaders in the house of God. ah... the kinda challenges one must face.

My gratitude:
I'm still alive and kicking. Y'day night I went to shep my sheep in Boondall. I left his place at 10.30pm to go back home and I went through the ICB tunnel (in front of RBH). It was pouring, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. This morning I received a photo by someone (dunno who) sent by my friend showing the ICB tunnel was closed last night because of the flood. I was like "HAH???"

The flood must have been after I passed through the tunnel, cause when I drove pass the tunnel it was clean and nice. Thank God I'm still alive, or the flood didn't come when I was driving through the tunnel. Here's the photo.

Birthdays

This month so many people are celebrating their birthdays.

Happy birthday to you Cait (tomorrow) and your dad (last wk), Mami Ghone, Andri (in Jkt), Wesley, Su Ling, Jacinta, Rie, Megu-chin, Felly, Putra, Daren, Nishant, Sarah-Jane, Mandy, Kelly, Sisi, Sharron, Steph, Rigi, Aurora, Evan, Endra, WenJing, Brandon, Gavin, Hung-Do, Dedi, Anindita, Irvan, Adam, Zhen Yi, Teresa Mak, Joyce, Charlie, Carol, Johnny Chi, Victor, Yuri, Peter Wong, Putri and last but not least, my fav brudder whom people always think that he's my sheep, ahahha... Francis. FYI he's not my sheep, ahhaha....

BTW my birthday is end of this yr. But don't worry, I know you will genuinely forget about it, because of you busyness.

Anyway, talk about birthdays, few days before my birthday is someone's (very special to my heart) birthday. Nobody really knows the exact day of his birthday and he's not really around anymore, but I wonder if he celebrates his b'day.

Does Jesus celebrate His birthday?
:)

Taking sickie?

Y'day night I got such massive headache, runny nose, kept on sneezing and feeling so weak. In church, couple of friends prayed for healing. And at home, another friend prayed for me as well. When I hit the bed (after taking 2 tablets of paracetamol) I prayed again.

In the morning I got woken up by a msg ring tone on my mobilephone. Feeling so terrible, I reached out to my mobilephone. As I reached my mobilephone and opened my eyes, I felt so weak, my head was so heavy, my eyes were fuzzy and I kept on sneezing.

I looked at the time (it was 6.30am) and looked at the sender. It was from my boss. Puzzled, I read the msg. He said, "Antonius, I'm very sick right now hence won't be able to come to work. bla bla bla bla...."

I was like "HAH???"

Feeling terrible (because of my headache and weak body), I prayed to God and asked Him to heal me as I need to go to work (because my boss can't go to work). This time, I prayed fervently (unlike last night). ahahhaha.....

I got to office still feeling miserable. But I noticed when I left the office this arvo, although I still had a bit of the headache and not feeling 100%, my weak condition didn't affect my work at all. In fact today I was pretty productive. I thank God that I managed to go through the day without problems at all.

Lesson to learn?
1. Don't be lazy. Don't use sickness as an excuse not to go to work, though it's a very valid reason.
2. When you pray, believe. When you pray in faith, you will receive.

Getting busy for God

I'm not sure if you've been in such situation like mine where all you want to do is to do God's work, but somewhere along the line you get caught up with doing the work and almost forgetting God altogether.

ah... that's the kind of feeling that I have right now.
It's amazing how easy I can get so busy doing things for God, but not busy with God at all.

I've been very busy outside church, reaching out to people, building relationship and catching up with friends. Another thing is that when I encouraged people, I used to get encouraged myself and wonder how I did it. But nowadays I didn't feel encouraged myself when I encouraged others, and I wonder why. As I became so busy doing all that for God, I felt the dryness in my spirit. I became pretty thirsty, and it's quite uncomfortable.

Just now I was listening to this ps from singi and his words was like a knife to my heart when he said, 'Don't get busy in church if you're not busy with God. You can be very busy for God, but not with God."

When he said I felt that hit in my heart. I realised that I've been busy for God, but now with God. It's like God is telling me, "Stop it. Come and talk to me, I want to talk to you."

Something to ponder

This quote from an ad on tv captured my eyes, so here it is:

The more you gain, the more you have to lose

Sunday Story

After church service, few of us went to Steven's house to put all the PA stuff into his garage.

It was pouring.
Anyway, I was supposed to take my car in after Melissa. So to avoid being wet by the heavy rain, I ran out of the garage to my car. As I turned right to the pathway, it was so slippery that I skidded, slipped and almost fell completely to the ground with my face almost touching the footpath.

I was in such a funny position that everyone just laughed.
Man... I tell you, it was very embarrassing, but thank God nobody tried to make fun of me.

ah... what a day

What's been happening in my life

Alright,

I've been wanting to write many things but just kept on forgetting it or didn't have time to write it down.

1. Low-profile.
It's my question, how to be low-profile. Maybe I should go into exile for quite some time. This is one of my biggest challenges in life, I like to be around people, I like to make friends, I like to listen to people's stories, but I don't want many people to know me. How?

2. Setting a good example.
Another challenge I need to overcome. I'm really not good at this. I don't do QT regularly, I don't read bible regularly, I don't read my CJ regularly, I don't even pray for my group every day, only once in a while. Man... when I look at my leaders, they are so far above me, between 1 and 10 (10 being the highest level), my leaders will be in level 7 and i'm in level 2. ah...

3. Discipleship is a tough job
Man... if anyone says that discipleship is easy, please let me know and teach me how to do it.

4. 5 fold ministries
One of the ministries that I desire to be involved in is in the area of healing. Dunno why, but I want people to see that God is the Almighty and nothing is impossible with/to Him. Cancer can be healed, AIDS shall go away once and for all. Everyone should be able to taste what it's like to live a normal life without diseases/illnesses.

5. LG Restructuring
I'm waiting for my leader to announce the final decision on the restructuring of my LG (if there's any).

6. Looking forward to.
I'm so looking forward to many things right now. I look forward to:
a. Shep my sheep this wk and next wk (well, every week)
b. Christmas
c. My birthday
d. My friends' bday
e. New Year
f. My group's christmas' dinner
g. Catching up with JP and JB
h. Catching up with my long lost friend and sheep, my one and only korean sheep, ahhaha... I miss you sheep.
i. C4K
j. Salvations. I wanna see my colleagues and friends saved.
j. something else which I can't share in here, ahahha....

Friday at the office

As you may know already, one of the things I need to do in my job is to review people's performance, and these people are the project managers who are older than me and receive salary way more than me.

The way it works is I gather the data before project review with the project managers, then do their performance review with them individually. Using the data, I would tell/show them from the financial side of the project of what's happening with their project then ask them what they think about the project. In some cases I will suggest to them how to improve their performance.

This morning, while I was having my breakfast in the kitchen, one of the project managers came to me and just scolded me for a good 5-7minutes, in front of another project manager. Listening to her criticism and complaint was pretty hard.

Afterward I told everything to my manager.
He sat me down in a room and told me that it's not my fault that she got upset at me because it was her own fault for not managing the project properly. Apparently she got the 'ultimatum' from our director. He then pointed out to me where I've done well in my work, and praised me for the things I've achieved considering I only started my job 2 months ago, and it was my first project review.

At that time, I was overwhelmed with gratitude towards him that my eyes became wet and I almost burst into tears. Luckily I didn't cry, otherwise it would've been so embarrassing, a man crying in front of his boss, ahahha......

I know it's not my fault, and even if it's my fault, she should've been more gracious considering it's my first review. But to hear her complaining and accusing me for not doing a good job and made her look bad in front of our director (through my report) hit me pretty hard. I thought to myself, "Am I really that bad? Did I really do such a bad job? Did I really misunderstand her words (during the review)? Is it really my fault?"

After getting the comfort from my manager, I gained my confidence back, not to continue doing what I've been doing, but to do better.

You might thing that there's no real connection between what happened to me today and God, but I believe God has put me in this company for a reason. I don't know exactly the specific purpose of why I'm working for this company, but if it's not for God's grace and wisdom, I would've easily defended myself against her accusation this morning and told her off.

Well, my manager said that I will experience more of these from project managers who are not performing well. He asked me to get ready. ahhahaha..... So in my heart I said, "Alright, bring it on." ahahahha..... Oh God, I need your help.

Good nite.

How much is time?

I never really thought about it. Have you?
Well, I was browsing the net trying to find out how much time is when you put it in a case, to be a watch to wear.

I was shocked to find that to contain time into a case can be quite expensive. I couldn't find the most expensive price as the dealer didn't want to reveal the price, but here's what I found (mind you this is not the most expensive watch in the market).


It's Patek Philippe Perpetual Calendar Chronograph, priced at US$218,900

Zzz....

Yes, hard to believe, hey?

2008 is coming to an end. Man... how time flies so quickly. So many things happened in the past 2-3 weeks and I want to pen them down, but ah.. I'm so tired right now. I'll do it either tomorrow or Thursday.

Before I say good night, here's something that just came to my mind.

God never intended to make us a superman/superwoman. We need to know and fully understand this.

Alright, my eyes are getting tired. Good night.